As a Mother to a Daughter

"While we try to teach our children all about life, our children teach us what life is all about" – Angela Schwindt

“It’s good to be a girl,” declared my 8-year-old daughter last week.

She smiled from ear to ear as the stylist cut her hair into a shoulder-length bob with a slight flip. I smiled, too.

Sometimes, I think she doesn’t get that message enough. I don’t know if it’s because she has three older brothers or that society has already inundated her growing brain with innuendo. Maybe it’s other girls at school. Maybe it’s all of that.

But I know for sure she lacks the confidence in her gender identity, something the boys don’t have a problem with. Machismo is not in short supply at my house these days.

The other day I found her laying on the floor looking in a mirror at her stomach.

“This is how you know if you have a fat belly,” she explained.

Oh dear, I sighed. I sent her the message that being healthy is very important, not being skinny. Sometimes, girls get a little belly before they grow a few inches, I pointed out.

At this age, and pretty much throughout life, girls draw on their mother’s example. It’s both conscious and unconscious. I’ve always tried, maybe too hard, to stress the idea that beauty is inside. And I think she gets that.

But I want her to know that it’s perfectly fine to embrace being a girl, too. Taking care not to encourage vanity, I want her to know it’s not selfish to spend time and energy going for a manicure or pedicure. That exercise is good for her health and helps her feel good. That taking care of herself is not vanity, but self-love.

I want her to know that girlfriends make for important relationships. That shopping trips and dinners aren’t frivolous fun but bonding and research opportunities.

Women learn from other women. After all the competitive nonsense from her youth is behind her, female friendships are gems for later life.

I realize that now is the time to start using these teaching moments to get my message to the top of my daughter’s list of influences. The more I listen to her, the more I realize she is giving me the opportunities.

She’s been asking to go “spring shopping” and I’m thinking we need to make it a date. A little foraging and gathering can lead to discussions on appropriate clothing choices. A little lunch or a coffee break. Definitely some chocolate. Perhaps some new earrings.

You know what? My daughter is right. It is good to be a girl.

It's even better to be a mom to one.

---- This appeared in the April 12 edition of Suffield.Patch.com